Dignity

Ladies, say the word with me. D-I-G-N-I-T-Y. It’s something we all need to keep in mind and never forget – especially when we are dealing with men. Let me elaborate.
Some of us start getting worried about getting married when we are in our 30’s or 40’s. We wonder if we have done something wrong, if we have been too picky or that something has passed us by. By this point in our life, we have lowered our standards a bit which really is a good thing. We are no longer looking for only drop dead gorgeous men and we usually understand that a bad boy is just that – a bad boy.

So we start wondering where we have to go to meet Mr. Right. We go to the grocery store and stay too long – spending too much money. We go to the Laundromat when we know we have a perfectly good washer at home. We go to church and anyplace else we think will work in our favor. Sometimes we dress a bit too provocatively and if we go out with our friends, it no longer is a night with girlfriends – it’s a hunting expedition. And we’re serious about it. Hungry eyes watch every single man that enters and wonder if he might be The One.

It’s about this time that we get envious of the younger women. For some of us, things start going south and we see lines in our face in the mirror and every day we see a few more gray hairs. Our bodies are not taut and tight like they used to be and we can’t help but wish early transmission failure on the young skinny girls getting all the attention.
And when a guy does come talk to us, we have been known to think, “well, he’s not all that cute, but he does like ME,” and he starts not to look so bad. The question in our head is will he be a good husband and could he support a family? And if we think he is a good candidate, it’s about then that our dignity goes right out the window. We can protest all we want to but we are in the first steps of settling and settling is never good.

We all have a list of things we want in a man and as we get older, that list can be less and less important. Because we want to settle down and have a family, we are willing to strike a few things off that list, and in doing this, we build up the ego of a man who might not be worthy of us and before long, we have created a monster.

Men assume that they are valuable commodities and if he is good looking, rich, and all that, he doesn’t think he has to have just one woman. He usually has several women in and out of his life and you have to decide you want to be one of the harem. They also know that we want them and we will tolerate their bad behavior just to be with them.

Ladies, ladies, ladies! Let’s back up. If you were busy with your career or if you were having fun before you started thinking about settling down, that is what you were supposed to be doing. Perhaps you weren’t ready to have a marriage and kids when you’re 25. All of us aren’t. I believe we need to get those demons worked out and get drunk till you puke and ride the electronic bull and go on spring break while you are still single. Have your fun! It’s ok!

And if you were becoming the corporate maven, again, good for you. If you have worked at that early in your life and you may have a nice little nest egg and you have learned a lot and it will help you later. There are some who believe a girl shouldn’t take her career so seriously but I disagree. If it’s what you want, go for it. Just remember having it all means you have to do it all and not all of us are able to do that without some resentment and anger later on that will eventually destroy your relationship.
When that day comes and you decide you are ready, keep in mind all the things you have been through. Recognize that you are successful and that you have worked hard and deserve only the best. Be proud of what you have done and maintain that pride as you begin to look for a mate.
Settling is never good. Eventually, you will tire of him or you will be resentful and if that happens AFTER you have walked down the aisle and brought Junior home, which will be a lot of trouble for you all. If you date a man who isn’t worthy of you and you allow him to treat you badly, well, you know you made a mistake. Now what? Do you really want to wake up in the middle of the night and look at him sleeping and wish you were anywhere else but there with him?

Do you want to be in a relationship with a man you settled for because you were desperate and then meet the man you SHOULD be with? Or do you want to engage in an affair because you are unhappy with the man in your life and that will be a lot of trouble for you all. If you date a man who isn’t worthy of you and you allow him to treat you badly, well, you know you made a mistake. Now what? Do you really want to wake up in the middle of the night and look at him sleeping and wish you were anywhere else but there with him? Why complicate your life that way?

If a man tries to hit on you and you know you really don’t like him, say no thank you and keep moving. If you see he has a mean streak, walk girl. Walk fast. And if he’s violent? Don’t even look back.
Don’t get the baby blues and get pregnant and have the father walk off and leave you with the responsibility of raising your child alone. Keep those contraceptives close and use them. Do you want to be on the Maury Show, trying to get the baby daddy to recognize his child? “Jerome, you ARE the father!” Do you really want that? Think about it.

If he has two or three baby mamas, do you really want to be caught up in all that
drama? If he has to give all those women money, will he still be able to give you the life
you want? And if you don’t have children, do you want your weekends to be devoted to
taking care of his children? Please stop and take the time to think about the life you are
consenting to and if it isn’t what you want, don’t settle just so you have a man. You will
regret it later.

Keep your dignity intact, girl. Don’t settle. Stay clear about what your goals are and stick to your guns. It might take a little longer but wait for the right one. Hold out for your joy and remember that you are worthy of having the love you seek. If you have chosen to date interracially, you have given yourself better odds. And don’t date the first white guy that approaches you. Wait for the right rainbeau. People can smell desperation a mile away and it’s not a good scent for you.

Don’t sit in your house and complain that you can’t find the right one and whine that all the good men are gone. They are not. They might be a little harder to find these days, but they are not gone.  You may need to be patient but don’t give up and don’t give in to the wrong one.

Maintain your dignity. Please.